And I travel, and I although don’t travel a lot, but its just very beautiful here in Switzerland. On a sunny morning day as I travel from Basel to Zurich around 10 in the morning, numerous thoughts cross my mind. It is just so wonderful to travel by train in Switzerland. With the Swiss Alps in the background and a song “Aftermath” by Muse playing, it just makes your day a lot better than you had expected. I can tell you, it’s just how I imagined when I was about to come to Switzerland a year ago for my PhD interview. I never ever in my wildest dreams expected that I would be living here; a place abode to many beautiful stories, many beautiful landscapes, many beautiful dreams and the story of my PhD.
“From this moment, from this moment….
You will never be alone…. we are bound together….”
The perfect song of Muse makes this short journey to Zurich even better. I have so many journeys to make, so many stories to tell. I cannot tell you how it feels to look outside. The pictures above will make it clearer I guess. It’s just so scenic, and spring on the onset, makes it even more beautiful. But what worries me more now, is that 20 years from now, this might never be beautiful anymore than it is now. Why? Time. Uncertainty. Time does not stop. You don’t know what will happen in 20 years from now! This is a moment that will only be in my mind, cornered and tucked away deep inside. Only I will know how I felt, when I looked outside the window. This is strange.
Life is way too comfortable in Switzerland. As I stay here more, the more I want to stay and make this my home. But I will not. I just cannot. I have to go back. I have to make India a better place to live. Whatever I can do I will do to make my home a better place. Today is Sunday and I am travelling back to Zurich and going to my University to finish some work.
I am hardly getting time to do my project. The project, which is full of uncertainties; I wonder whether it will lead to any possible answers that I am desperately searching for. I am scared. I am petrified that I may end up as a failure. PhD is tough. My supervisors believe in my abilities a lot, but the irony is I don’t. I somehow keep thinking that I am deceiving them, faking that I am good enough for this PhD. This scares me a lot. Will I be able to do justice to this PhD? What if I end up as a failure? What is this PhD leading me to? I never ever imagined that I would land myself up in these circumstances. I am confused of my abilities; I am scared of this PhD. Life is tough amidst this beautiful journey that I am taking, where will it lead me to? I am in search for a higher truth, a theory that connects a quantitative trait to population collapse. Will I be successful? I don’t know, I am scared to find out the truth. In a month or two, I will know where I stand. In a month or two…
“…it’s no place for the faint hearted,
But my heart is strong, coz now I know where I belong
we are free from this moment…from this moment…”